You have been gone for 15 years now. As I write this letter, please know that I loved you so much and I never doubted your love for me.
I learnt so much from you in the time we stayed together, it broke my heart to watch you get sick knowing there was nothing I could do.
Been a doctor yourself you were almost certain of what was killing you. These bodies are so human that we really have no control of. The day you sent for me to come and see you in hospital, I broke down because I had never seen you look so pale and weak. My tears just flowed. Even worse you could not remember who I was. My friend, mentor and confidant was slowly slipping away from me.
I let you rest in peace but my heart aches to say this to you. It was in your best interest because that was the best you knew then. You took my father away from me, the chance to be daddy’s little girl , the chance to share a story with my peers and say “ my dad took me to a nice place for dinner or my dad bought me this or showed me how to do this”.
Mama had to take up the role on her own. I wanted so much to be a little princess, to run to daddy’s arms when I was down because in his hug I would be safe.
Grandpa in your time the world must have showed you its different phases but this is the one part I would ask you to erase and rewrite. All because of cultural difference you became biased to it. Love knows no bounds. If you were alive today perhaps you would see for yourself. Oh grandpa you really broke my heart.
I have had to share my friends’ daddys, sometimes watch from a distance as they celebrate an achievement I never got to share with my own.
If only the script could change? Sometimes I ponder and all I can conclude is that you were selfish, you did not ask yourself how it would affect me, mama or the life ahead.
There are days I struggle with the idea of how I should treat a good man in my life because I did not learn it from my daddy. I have had to test theories instead and watch my surroundings to be good at it. My choices sometimes have not been the best, but then again, I am a strong believer of great things so I choose to remain optimistic.
I choose to say that I will learn from that mistake you made. Even though Mama is long gone, she gave me the best and I can never complain at that. I could have hoped to have her by my side longer though.
I am learning from the best, opening my heart to great opportunities, teachers of the word, mentors and coaches.
Daddy, daddy I would have wished that you could walk me down the aisle on my big day but then God has a different plan.
Grandpa, I choose to forgive you, for a grudge is the heaviest thing to carry. I remain at peace with myself.