An Open Letter to Grandpa..


Dear grandpa,

You have been gone for 15 years now. As I write this letter, please know that I loved you so much and I never doubted your love for me.

I learnt so much from you in the time we stayed together, it broke my heart to watch you get sick knowing there was nothing I could do.

Been a doctor yourself you were almost certain of what was killing you. These bodies are so human that we really have no control of. The day you sent for me to come and see you in hospital, I broke down because I had never seen you look so pale and weak. My tears just flowed. Even worse you could not remember who I was. My friend, mentor and confidant was slowly slipping away from me.

I let you rest in peace but my heart aches to say this to you. It was in your best interest because that was the best you knew then. You took my father away from me, the chance to be daddy’s little girl , the chance to share a story with my peers and say “ my dad took me to a nice place for dinner or my dad bought me this or showed me how to do this”.

Mama had to take up the role on her own. I wanted so much to be a little princess, to run to daddy’s arms when I was down because in his hug I would be safe.

Grandpa in your time the world must have showed you its different phases but this is the one part I would ask you to erase and rewrite. All because of cultural difference you became biased to it. Love knows no bounds. If you were alive today perhaps you would see for yourself. Oh grandpa you really broke my heart.

I have had to share my friends’ daddys, sometimes watch from a distance as they celebrate an achievement I never got to share with my own.

If only the script could change? Sometimes I ponder and all I can conclude is that you were selfish, you did not ask yourself how it would affect me, mama or the life ahead.

There are days I struggle with the idea of how I should treat a good man in my life because I did not learn it from my daddy. I have had to test theories instead and watch my surroundings to be good at it. My choices sometimes have not been the best, but then again, I am a strong believer of great things so I choose to remain optimistic.

I choose to say that I will learn from that mistake you made. Even though Mama is long gone, she gave me the best and I can never complain at that. I could have hoped to have her by my side longer though.

I am learning from the best, opening my heart to great opportunities, teachers of the word, mentors and coaches.

Daddy, daddy I would have wished that you could walk me down the aisle on my big day but then God has a different plan.

Grandpa, I choose to forgive you, for a grudge is the heaviest thing to carry. I remain at peace with myself.



Shut the world out for a moment..

There comes a time when the world around you is too noisy to hear yourself. It makes you forget who you are mostly because of the hustles and bustles of everyday living.

For the last five years I have dutifully set aside a week to shut the world out and just be me. I then retreat into a place where everything is in its natural form, I do not have to worry about replying office mails, meeting deadlines or even checking my cell phone every short while to see if I missed a call, message or IM.

You can never know this feeling until you experience it. The interesting thing is, I  have tried to search for another location where I could  get this kind of fulfillment and I haven’t found.

Here is the beauty of the place, there is no network coverage hence your cell phone stays off, the grass is so green ,the scenery is beautiful with so many bird species , buffaloes, dik diks, antelopes, waterbucks just to mention but a few.

The accommodation quarters have been made directly from the source , for example if it is a door knob, they simply cut a branch with a v-shape and its automatically transformed.

The food comes in different cuisines and you get the freedom to choose or otherwise make your own. The one thing though, that stands out is the fact that there is no room for junking!!

Due to my frequent visits, I have had the opportunity to interact with the owners of this lovely place, in particular Chris Campbell Clause. He has a wonderful personality and would convince you to come back again and again. During this interaction I have learnt some valuable lessons.

Perhaps you may be familiar with this one, that says everything about our environment We have borrowed this world from our children and it has to be returned to them without causing any damage to the environment”

Most of us are not too keen on environment conservation. At some point he talked about the way our bodies’ immune systems have almost shut down because of the modern day influence; where the slightest pain calls for an over the counter drug if not a prescription. As a result our bodies have become so weak that we cannot fight minor ailments. This reminded me of my many visits to the village and I would see this school going children without sweaters on a chilly morning and barefoot rushing to school. I never really got used to it, if anything it was disturbing yet they were so healthy. All in all Chris has made me realize just how important it is to let your body be and eat the right things. When you conserve the environment you actually manage to sustain the trees and plants that can be used for home remedies that are so natural without any side effects.

I have now developed a great interest in home remedies and I am currently working on a manual with how to treat the different ailments. It’s amazing how much I am learning.

My place of quiet and serene outside the world is Malewa Bush Ventures,give it a try am sure you will love it!

Lessons from Death…

I vividly remember it was a Friday morning, seated beside me was my mother and younger sister exchanging pleasantries over breakfast. I had an Accounting exam that morning as I was pursuing a management course.

Ma mentioned that she was going to the village to see grandma as she was not well and wanted her to bring her back to the city for her routine check-ups. As I sipped the last of my tea, I picked my bag, kissed my sister and bade my mother goodbye.

Saturday morning Ma had not returned, this was the day we were supposed to go shopping a new hairdo for me too. Perhaps grandma’s condition worsened. Outside I met my cheerful neighbor; not sure where the conversation of death started however we concluded by agreeing that life was short and we needed to give it our best. As I was walking back to the house, I see my mother’s friend’s sons and they have this look on their faces. Before I could ask what the problem was one said that there had been an accident and we needed to call the police station for details. I think that must have been the hardest moment. In my mind I knew my mother was a fast but safe driver, so what really had happened. Getting a phone to make the call was an even bigger challenge.

Death has a way of making you alert to things you ignored earlier. I had so many questions, with an absent father who would take care of us? How would we survive in this day and time? What about my college that was due to start in a week? And the questions were endless.

The presence of a parent figure shields you from so much and you never realize it, until they are gone, this was the hardest hit, as there really was no one to defend me and protect me on the ground.

How do you explain to a four year old child that you will not see your mother again in the midst of her tender age and hopeful eyes? Its amazing though how much children can take in and derive courage from it.

Planning ahead saves you a lot of problems in the future to come. Mama knew that anything could happen and she had secured an insurance cover to take care of us till we could stand on our feet.

Family is an even greater thing to have, its unity is even more comforting, and the love we got was enough to keep us going as well as a shelter to call home.

No matter how many times you experience death of a loved one, it’s never the same and you never get used to it. As humans we are wired with emotion and therefore losing one we have been attached to in one way or the other definitely has an impact

Live everyday as if it were your last and value those that you are gifted to have around you and in your life; you never know when you will be saying goodbye. Indeed life is so precious yet death has a way of shortening good times and stealing the souls we so love.

Death does not discriminate, from the king to the pauper when its time, he steals your soul and its inevitable.